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.:l Gretchen l:.

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Note to self [10 Mar 2010|12:33am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

Thank you for being retarded. for needing more than could be give. for being cliche. some times love just is not enough. why the fuck not? why cant love be enough? why cant i be happy with just being loved? being loved the only way he can, or knows how. why isnt that good enough for me? why cant he be enough of a family. why do i need / want / expect so much more from life. is that realistic? Is it stupid? Is it just a cover? an excuse to push people and things away.

and why the fuck am i sitting on kevins floor at 12:26 with fucking final fantasy music playing in the background? with a munny in pieces on the table, still drying. because im fucking stupid. because I always try harder than i should. because i always go the extra mile for nothing. so i can hate myself even more when things dont work. or when i become destructive and sabattage things because YES LETS SAY IT TOGETHER!!! IM FUCKING STUPID!!! lol. nice

Yes hes sweet and hes affectionate and funny. but hes fucking stupid. or maybe again im expecting more than i should. but youd think at 27 youd be better at this relationship thing than i am. my predictions his lack of skills to read other peoples emotions... and or take intiative to make and effort to seem and such and or his lack of communication will be the disease that kills this slowly.

nice to know you were upset about some girl from the past, which is the reason you went out ant drank on a wed and nearly killed yourself totaling your car like a moron. nice of you to tell me youw ere upset to start with.... oh wait! Just Kidding!!! lol yup had to hear that from russ.... and then the reason from your mom. who is an amazing lady and i feel terrible for what you put her through.

gretchen stop! youre ruining things! you try and then you crush.. why ? either go whole heartedly or run the other fucking way. you cant keep doing this two steps forward one step back and then take a small break.

youre fucking nuts and you need to get your shit together. life isnt going to take a break and wait for you... so you might want to get a fucking move on. ok thank you and good night <3

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[15 Sep 2009|12:13am]
Forever and a day..
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yea i guess i know i just hate how it sounds [11 Aug 2009|02:04am]
I'm not one of those people that takes advantage and makes the most of a situation. I'm the one that sees it coming and instead is too afraid and too busy worrying waiting and wasting away. Its a cycle. I've noticed myself do it before but I don't learn from it. I don't over come it.. I fall into the pattern and repeat it. They say those who don't remember the past are doomed to repeat it. Eff that I've got a great memory I'm just too weak to take a stand and change things.

Vacation in 4 days. How sad. its been booked since like january. And I'm no longer looking forward to it. I'm fearing it. I know ill ruin it for everyone else. And its sad because they deserve it and I want them to have a good time. I hate that I do this over and over again. I get a bad feeling. Its usually completely justified. And most of the time I know why but I'm too afraid to ask. I don't want things confirmed.

The lesson everyone always fails to learn in life is to remember to live. I'm wide awake and completely aware but I prevent myself from living. I hold myself back from so many things. I get in a funk and I'm stuborn and thick headed and just generally afraid. How fucking sad is it when you see everything but fail to act on your knowledge. This is why I've always known that peter was right. I'm sad for no real reason. I set myself up for these feeling and deserve everything I get.

I just hope the people that matter to me know that they deserve so much more. More than they have, more than I can give them and more than they think they deserve.

This isn't a sad post. Don't feel bad or tell me I'm wrong. This is a fuck you to myself. An alarm that will hopefully pull me out of this insomnia state I exist it. You can't just drift through life. Stop wasting time because there might not be much more left. Tell people you love them. Thank them for what they've given you. Forgive them. Help them. And cut the ones out that drag you down.
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trust your gut [06 Aug 2009|03:15am]
Dear Gretchen,

Told you so!

Your old buddy LJ

Dear LJ

Fuck You !

<3 Gretchen
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its friday im in love.... [12 Jun 2009|10:32am]
[ mood | bored ]

I'm at work. pretty bored. the suns starting to come out though so the days looking up.

I think I'm going to take a break and walk to starbucks now. mmmm

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crazy bitches [02 Mar 2009|03:36pm]
I'm constantly reminded why I loath females. This is why the majority of my friends are males. Being friends with guys usually starts the drama though. One male especially lol. Well all I have to say this time is fuck it. Seriously. Talk all the shit you want. Spread all the rumours you can. And take comfort in the fact that you're an imature over dramatic insecure crazy bitch. =) and this is why you lose. I fought too hard to get my friend back and I could really careless about what you think. So go fuck yourself =D
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[09 Feb 2009|10:57am]
[ mood | amused ]


I'm stuck in delli today =(
I have like no voice!! I'm full of complaints today lol.

Tim set up wii fit early and I love it. Its a little boring but good.

Going to see coraline tonight. I'm excited it looks good.
Going to LI to have lunch and drinks with theresa and brendan sunday for my birthday.

THEN!!!!! Bella Morte and Voltaire! I'm so excited. HA this totally makes up for me missing them on my 18th birthday
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broke ass mofo [03 Nov 2008|03:08pm]
[ mood | stressed out ]

I need to get on thing. Start cleaning out and selling things on ebay. I don't like stressing over bills this is a new feeling to me and its sucking

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[31 Oct 2008|10:33am]
[ mood | cranky ]

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

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[06 Mar 2008|10:41am]
[ mood | bored ]

Thrid Eye Blind April 1st @ Starland!!

Someone Come with me!!!

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